(Valdron's disclaimers)
Thoughts Of The Ninth Dr. Who On The Courtship Of His Companion, Rose.
In the civilized universes, everyone knows about the uninhibited sexuality of that species,..humanity, of which I am so reputed enamoured. While other species use their reproductive capabilities as a means to an end for reproduction,..humans use their sexuality as a portal to pleasure!!
Imagine a species which will devote days on end to conjoining and then,..unsatisfied with the results of those endless mergers,..these greedy creatures actually develop drugs and techniques for conjoining and reconjoining for hours, days and even weeks on end!! Xayloff of the Urrrrppppa Peoples, whose bicentennial triad matings last all of seventeen seconds and produce up to two thousand offspring per mating, has said that the whole purpose of the human species is to unabashedly "frick" away their existence.
I am in complete disagreement with this theory in that I recognize the fact that human beings are a disturbedly short lived people and naturely they must spend more of their time conjoining, so as to reproduce, than other sentient species. Not all human conjoinings are as successful as the Urrrrppppa conjoinings and humans can only reproduce one child at a time.
Also,..humanity has not yet developed any regeneration techniques and so are dependent on purely biological means in order to continue their varient races. Among Gallifreyans and other sentient beings,..it is a well known fact that I often keep a human companion or two with me in my time travels aboard the Tardis.
Traveling with a human does not necessarily mean a continual orgy of conjoining. Yes,..I know of the reputation of the human male,..whose sole stimuli for reproduction is the sight of a fertile female. And I know of the even worse reputation of the human female, whose tendency to mate with anything from Triffeds to Vulcans,..is so often exagerated in the Five Known Sentient Universes. And yet,..I have successfully traveled with human females and just as successfully avoided becoming involved in conjoining with either their males or their females.
The secret to traveling with a human or two is the ability to "Just Say No!!"
One must remind one's human companion that their nubile urges are to be avoided and not practiced on a hourly or a daily basis and after strict and constant reinforcement of this express rule that you have set for their conduct,.the most nubile of humans will finally learn to behave properly in one's presence!!
I use Rose Tyler,..my current human companion as an example of the positive effects of negative reinforcement of the human sexual psyche!! Rose wishes to continually conjoin with me. I have other things that I wish to do and must do.
Rose just doesn't understand why we can't conjoin. She can't understand as she is only nineteen Earth years old. I am nine hundred Gallifreyan years old. She is human. I am Gallifreyan. All she has to do is just lie down and wait for a human male, who is aroused by her physical attributes to come along and fertilize her. A Gallifreyan must not just be physically stimulated but mentally "involved" as well. Unless she can physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually engage me,..I can never give Rose Tyler what she wants.
To this species,..with whom I am so reputedly so emotionally engaged, sex is a game. It is no longer about reproducing their species. Rose has her "Mickey" to lie down and "play" her little game with. With me,..what she wants is more than just a momentary fling on a flat surface for a few moments of physical pleasure.
Right now,..my whole relationship with Rose is her continually "making me an offer,"..which she is sure that I cannot refuse and me pulling back because I CAN refuse her. She cannot understand why. She thinks that she must engage me physically to posses me and is confident that someday that she will posses me physically and thus posses me otherwise.
My pysche is such that I will not be possesed in any form and my projected attitude is,.."Honey,..I'm NOT in the mood!!"
Rose has to learn that when a Gallifreyan male...says, "NO!"...he means..just that,.."NO!"
Rose's courtship tactices are unfaltering and unflaging ,..however!! Recently,..she came up to me,..stared at me with those beautifully moist and wonderfully expressive eyes and related to me again her desire for physical contact., "Doctor, I want to hold your hand!"
Of course as a Timelord and a respectable Gallifreyan male,..I knew that I had to make her specify her true intent. Hand holding CAN be serious business under the right circumstances.
"NO!" I muttered back at her,."Don't get domestic on me!"
"Doctor," she sighed as she asked me again, "All I want to do is hold your hand! i wish to interlace my fingers with yours and press our hands palm to palm,. I want to touch you!"
"Aaaaaaahaaaa!" I growled back at her,.."You want to go skin to skin with me!! You want to press your hot sticky flesh against mine!! I know where this is leading!!"
Rose turned red and sighed, "I've known you for quite a while and I've shared a Tardis with you for I don't know how long!! For goodness sakes,..all I want to do is hold your hand!!"
I protected my nine hundred year old honor with,.."Of course,..you wish to place the bare naked skin skin of your hand against the bare naked skin of my hand!! Pervert!!"
Rose glanced away from me with another long drawn out sigh,..but her human persistence and perversity came at me again with it's blatent intent glaring down on the two of us in that Tardis Control Room,.."Doctor,..can't we just stare into each other's eyes? Wouldn't that be beautiful?"
Oh! I knew what she was about!! I haven't lived for nine hundred years and learned nothing about humans!! I am very familiar with the wiles of human females!! I countered her with,.."You,..madam,..are going to try and hypnotize me by having me stare into those lovely eyes of yours!! Then, my dear,..you intend to grab my hand and hold it!!"
Rose looked at me as if I'd just shed the skin of a murdered human by unzipping it at the forehead as do the outlaws among the Slythin. Then she sighed again and asked me plaintively,.."Let me at least whisper into your ear my true feelings for you!!"
"No!" I drew back in horror from her, "You stay away from my ears!! I've heard about just what you human females are known to do with earlobes!!"
"I was just going to recite a love sonnet to you!" my feckless would-be-seducer whimpered.
I steeled myself against such weakness,.."I've read about the "dirt" that humans put into their writings!! Trying to seduce me with filthy literature,..aren't you?"
Rose Tyler drew away from me with a dejected,..then angry look in her eye.
"Where is Mickey when I need him?" she said spitefully,.."He'd understand."
I got the sudden and distinct feeling..that..I had just missed out on..something...good. | 